TheReasonedRanter

The Truth About God, or my best attempt at a definitive statement for those who like to endlessly debate the subject

2009-10-31T13:25:00.000-07:00

The idea of god/gods was originally created by human beings to explain things in nature that they feared/didn't understand. The idea of religion or believing in any specific god/gods was subsequently invented by ambitious humans to intimidate and control the minds of the ignorant masses in order to create or preserve power.
The ancient gods were based on simple stories and assigned qualities and attributes that were eventually refuted by the practical scientific knowledge of their time, and so they became regarded as only myth. The modern gods have been assigned qualities such as omnipotence, infallibility, omniscience, in short – perfection, because those traits are both more vague, and easier to respect/fear/harder to argue with, especially for the ignorant/fearful.
The most basic intellectual truth about ‘god’ is that while we will probably never be able to prove/disprove he/she/its existence, we should be able to admit and understand that any/all names, notions, or qualities regarding any/all god/gods were created by humans, not human qualities by god.
People especially ought to stop assigning the most petty and trivial of human emotions to their gods. An all-powerful, infinitely wise being (or energy) cannot possibly need to be worshiped or obeyed. Such a being does not, and cannot possibly need anyone’s misguided expressions of love and adulation to keep it going. A ‘perfect’ god, one capable of creating our universe/world/us cannot possibly be in any way akin to an attention-starved celebrity; it doesn’t need thanks, praise, or any other such thing as a child does, and it certainly doesn’t have fits of pique. Even if you allow yourself, after careful consideration, to honestly believe your god could need to be understood by its ‘subjects’, you’d then have to admit that the continued advancement of human knowledge is likely the best way to get ‘closer to god’, not being stuck in some tiny archaic prison of god’s potential wrath if you ‘disobey’.
If only more parents and communities taught their children how, and not what, to think – statements like this would not need to be made. As long as there are religious organizations with even one follower who believe that evolution is a lie, or the Bible is to be taken literally, the earth is only 6000 years old, etc. – this will sadly need to be said. Evolution doesn’t just refer to physical change. Ever see a child who understood a concept its parents couldn’t grasp? You just witnessed evolution firsthand. Do you possess any object not found in nature? No inorganic thing made by humans is possible without evolution being part of the basic fabric of our existence. Check the history of organized religion and you’ll see too many occasions to count, where a church threatened or actually caused harm to those whose ideas threatened their dogma and made them fear that their power would be diminished by admitting fallibility. Scientists certainly have been misguided and caused damage throughout history as well, but no real scientist ever threatens harm against those presenting solid repeatable data which dispels their theories, good science by its very nature can never be harmed by better science, because it all advances learning in some useful way.
For those who believe, in whichever deity you choose, there can be no wrong in faith as long as you NEVER allow your fellow humans, however close to god they claim to be, or you were taught that they were, to influence you to hate, discriminate, kill, or otherwise make a negative impact on others, and it shouldn’t ever make you feel guilty about taking pleasure in things that have little-to-no adverse consequence to your fellow humans.
Faith is a fine thing if it can give us strength when we are in need. Belief in something greater than us can inspire people to work together and create communities that are healthy, peaceful, and stable. It can also utterly destroy us if we allow it to control our minds and lives well beyond what is logical. Any rational person can see that the ‘word of god’ is only delivered by the mouths of men, and however perfect your god is, your fellow human definitely isn’t. There are far too many recent examples of those trusted with ‘god’s word’ being at worst evil, and at best incredibly selfish and weak; to continue to trust any particular religion or its appointed liaisons with your well-being and happiness. Blaming ‘the devil’ for such things is just as childish as blaming a sibling or friend when you got caught doing something wrong as a kid. As humans, we’re all supposed to have the capacity to think, not just parrot what others have said, and no matter how strong your faith is, if you trace your path to god back as far as you can, it starts with a person every time. You’ve been trained to have faith the same way a dog is trained to fetch, with repeated negative or positive reinforcement, in the form of discipline, a community of like-minded individuals that you wanted to or were encouraged to fit in with, and more.
There is nothing wrong with questioning faith in things that cannot be proved, and placing it in yourself and the good people around you who don’t need imaginary bullies or benefactors to treat themselves and each other with decency and respect. It indicates great strength of character, not weakness, to defy others’ expectations of you, whether good or bad, and truly accepting that, in all likelihood, no higher power has any control over you whatsoever also means taking 100% responsibility for your own actions, which most of us are frankly too cowardly to do.

My job = creative death

2009-07-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

This is my first attempt to write anything in months. The main reason is manifested in my current job, which features 12 hour shifts, rotating from days to nights each week. The schedule is a rolling four week sort, and features two periods of 3 days off, one of 7, and one of 1... that's right, ONE day off between three 12 hour day shifts and three 12 hour night shifts. All shifts run from 5:30-5:45, just the AM & PM of 'em change. I have to start this way, all journal style on yo' collective (presently and for quite some time nonexistent) asses, (and I'd love to believe it's because I haven't written anything in a while, but I know it's simply because a blog this pathetic deserves to be ignored, so I guess it really is just a journal after all, only one I don't mind someone stumbling upon), because my brain-juices need jump starting and this is the only way I know how to do it. I'm on the last day of my seven days off, and it really does take this long to feel any semblance of my normal self creep back into existence. The other periods of time off from my job are long enough only to sleep and be frustrated with all the things I wanted to accomplish but was too exhausted to even begin working on. If you haven't worked at least 12 hour shifts (I know some people have it worse, the point is that it's fucked up for all of us), it may be difficult to understand just how completely it dominates your life. There is absolutely no free time on work days unless you skip meals or deprive yourself of much needed sleep. For someone like me who needs 10-12 hours of sleep to feel rested, deprivation is constant and cumulative until the days off, so sleeping most of those days is a necessity, not me being lazy. The brainwashing Americans receive from childhood on, in this case regarding work ethic, seems particularly disgusting these days! I know most of us are happy enough playing the game of capitalism in the USA as long as we can believe it's 'winnable', but shouldn't we all be pissed that the only options for not playing it involve homelessness, death, or as a compromise that is still basically playing the game, being kept? The idea of getting paid to do something I love has become irrelevant to me, because it's the game that's fucked, not my (or any other) job per se. The people are pleasant and easy to get along with, the product is very much part of the new(ish) green economy, and the business is growing. If I were evaluating it solely on those factors, and omitting schedule and the way-sub-standard-of-living wage, it'd be a job most conscientious folks could feel at least fine about. The thing is, it's just another part of the disease of greed that we all are afflicted with, and have become conditioned to accept. How can I and my peers work in a place where the schedule was clearly designed by a sadist or a robot, the company spends millions of dollars to automate everything, and presumably a fairly high price for the services of those who install, set up and prepare for operation said automation, and yet the people currently doing the work are paid more or less like indentured servants? We are constantly reminded of the value of just one of the items we work with in its half-processed state, and how said item's value is equal to the combined wages of all workers on any one shift. None of us could ever hope to afford the finished product, as is true with so many in-demand manufactured goods, without using credit and propping up the banking system that has so completely abused and failed the average citizen, and yet was deemed so very worthy of saving by our government, and not even with any significant conditions. So many in this country and around the world have it so much worse, and we are reminded of this constantly so that we feel guilty, greedy even, if we expect better for ourselves. We certainly don't have to tear the system down to change it, but we must demonstrate the ability to be willing non-participants if we are to affect change peacefully. What this country needs is not more regulation, or government, or bullshit. We need average citizens to realize that helping the rich not to pay more taxes is not going to get any middle-to-lower class worker an extra dime in the long run. We need to stop paying taxes, using credit, and if need be, walk out on our jobs en masse - whatever it takes to get this country and others who need a kick in the pants to realize that people are valuable and deserve some respect. I want to contribute to a strong, healthy country and world, but I need to be able to be strong and healthy first, and right now that is a luxury in America, and not even remotely close to a right.

A message from We'll Gofarforabuck, paragon of the U.S. banking industry!

2009-02-21T02:21:00.000-08:00

In 2007, though keenly aware of the imminent collapse of the economy in general and lending industry in particular, and what that would mean to many of its employees, We'll Gofarforabuck came up with a four part series of 7 helpful tips each, wonderfully astute advice to help those employees enjoy work, and life in general, much more than they had in 2006. Here, for your enjoyment, I present that sublime wisdom of some underpaid bank employee(s) in its entirety, with reactions by cartoon characters after each part.

’07 Ways to Advance when you’re Careering

Learning about your ability to subvert your individuality is the key to developing your career. It’s important to understand where your skills, interests, and strengths lie around sleeping so you won’t pursue positions and projects that will be the most fulfilling to you.

We’ll Gofarforabuck is a large, overly complex and dynamically stupid organization that relies on the strengths, talents and contributions of team zombies in a wide array of positions. As a team zombie, you have many possible paths for your career within our company of fools.

Team zombie learning and brainwashing supports We’ll Gofarforabuck’s organizational success. You're encouraged to set goals that will help you grow stale personally and professionally. Your development plan helps you achieve your goals, and your brainwashing brings We’ll Gofarforabuck‘s vision and values to life and helps We’ll Gofarforabuck succeed.

Development coercion is a shared responsibility between you, your manager and We’ll Gofarforabuck‘s Corporate Torture Group (CTG). It's the combined effort that leads to your ongoing assimilation and the success of We’ll Gofarforabuck.

Subvert your talents, interests, values and attitudes through self-convincement.
Increase your understanding that all future opportunities lie within We’ll Gofarforabuck.
Create a development plan with actions designed to achieve the best match between the needs and goals of We’ll Gofarforabuck.
Submit to continuous brainwashing.
Sharpen your people skills. Having strong interpersonal skills plays a crucial role in gaining a reprieve from the torture of your boss and co-workers, as well as attracting the notice of outside influencers who might open new doors of conformity for you. Be friendly, outgoing, and personable. Listen carefully to people and practice being a clearly deferent, effective communicator.
Don’t be innovative. Never think outside of the box and put your business acumen to work. Creative solutions to problems are only to make your boss look good.
Find a “mentor” (someone smarter than you, who can convince you that “the We’ll way is the One way.”) Develop mentoring relationships, either inside or outside the company. Recent studies have shown that four out of five promotions are influenced by a mentor higher up in the company. Mentors are also great sources of disinformation and career control.

Note: Tips courtesy of We’ll Gofarforabuck’s Employee Assimilation Talking, which can help you start and maintain useful habits like these. EAT offers conversation and support on the work and personal issues that matter most to you. Contact them anytime at (888) xxx-xxxx, or visit EAT online.

’07 Ways to Plan Vacations that Dejuvenate

We invest a lot in our vacations. The process of preparing for, going on and returning from vacations can be even more exhausting than a regular work week, because you spent all of your money, instead of earning more.

Think about what really fucks you up. If you’re traveling with a partner or family, give up your needs so everyone else but you is happy.
Keep it simple. Try a vacation destination near your home to minimize enjoyment and make the hassle less worthwhile.
Don’t forget the “Rash” in R&R. Plan for rashes and irritating events as crucial parts of your vacation.
Maximize arrival and departure stressors. Begin your preparations a couple of minutes before departure.
Indulge family and forget personal needs. If contact with family members is a source of stress, consider making this the only part of your time away.
Don’t Indulge, but overdo. Indulge, and not within your budget. Break your bank.
Take a breather. Naps should be either forever, under 2 minutes, or long, at least a year and a half. This way, you’ll avoid the refreshing feeling of awakening in stages one or two, and useful REM sleep.

Note: Tips courtesy of We’ll Gofarforabuck’s Employee Assistance Dehumanizing, which can help you start and maintain self-destructive habits like these. EAD offers consultation and support on the work and personal issues that matter most to us. Contact them anytime at (888) xxx-xxxx, or visit EAD online.

'07 Ways to Contribute to a Shitty Place to Work

When a majority of your time is spent at work, it makes a big difference when your office is a shi.tty place to work. It’s important to remember that you play a role in creating an oppressive work environment.

Keep these seven quick tips in mind:

Connect with other team members by saying “suck mine,” “have a shitty morning,” or “fuck you” to someone that you don’t usually greet.
Let people know that you listen by observing the feelings behind their words. For example, you could say, “I don’t give a shit how you feel about that!” or “You sound suicidal, loser.”
Practice false praise that’s linked to a specific action such as a co-worker’s idiotic e-mail message or complete incompetence with a customer.
Disrespect people's differences. Ask someone that you don’t usually interact with to join you for breaking their arm or making a meal of them. Enroll in a bigotry course such as “Micro-Inequities are good because you are better than everyone else.” Consider attending a bigotry event at work or in your community.
Make time for mayhem by sharing a firecracker ‘treat’ or something mildly poisonous from your garden with your team.
Show malice by leaving a mess yourself, heckling others for not doing the same, closing the elevator door just as others arrive, etc.
Create a conflict with someone by using harmful communication skills such as chastising, not listening and blowing off commitments.

Note: Tips courtesy of We’ll Gofarforabuck’s Employee Resistance Consulting, which can help you start and maintain harmful habits like these. ERC offers consultation and support on the work and personal issues that matter most to you. Contact them anytime at (888) xxx-xxxx, or visit ERC online.

‘07 Steps to Escalating Conflict

Many people are uncomfortable in a conflict. But with these quick tips, you might be better prepared to come to a violent solution because of escalating the issue.

Acknowledge the conflict to yourself by exaggerating your feelings as well as your dark thoughts about the issues and the people involved.
Define the problem. Focus on issues, behaviors, and personalities. Specify how the issue and/or person(s) prevent you from being master of all you survey. Clarify what you want the other person(s) to do differently (i.e.: being dead rather than living).
Determine who you can control. How could you exacerbate the situation yourself? Given all the henchpersons that are under your control, what would be an acceptably humiliating outcome for your enemies?
Make a choice. Decide if you are ready to destroy the other party. Then decide if you want to continue the conflict and when.
Create an environment for angry communication. Find the right time and an uncomfortable and public place.
Use aggressive communication skills. State that the problem is anyone resisting your attempts at domination and what you would like to change. Be resistant to listening and to understanding other persons’ views. Remember, “The person is the problem. The world is the problem.”
Follow up on your threats. Acknowledge any deadly effort and results. Address lingering malcontents using these seven steps.

Note: Tips courtesy of We’ll Gofarforabuck’s Aspiring Dictator Information Consulting, which can help you start and maintain megalomaniacal habits like these. ADIC offers penetrative support on war and personal issues that matter most to you. Contact them anytime at (888) xxx-xxxx, or visit ADIC online.

Out of the recycle bin, into the fire.

Spellcheck Stories, like Mad Libs without a template

2009-02-20T04:23:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things to do when I'm bored, or trying to write but hopelessly stuck, is to type random, word-sized jumbles of letters in rough sentence form, then on each 'word' use spellcheck and perhaps some well-placed punctuation to try and make some sense and/or humor out of them. I'm sure I'm not the first or only person to do this, but I've been at it for awhile and sometimes they come out rather well. Rarely do they make sense as a story without some added effort, but each sentence, when decently constructed and read properly, can - and is often quite funny. For example: salkhsl isfsel hsdj dkr wpoeri eproti, can become - Saleslady Isabel hadst dark willpower erotic. Here's one of my favorites.

Romeo doffs cover. Neoliths ossify smooch sendoffs, combo nominee in fiasco with emir’s dingoes. Warrior movie “Oblivion” bidders imbibe at bijous. Pop’s shoe socks guy-suit wearing Sioux nuns. “Odious guavas”, sighed icy, cud-civil motif doctor. Hakim tortures pope newly, Isaac eggs on with poetry. Ironies true convoy size is asocial wee falafel. Euro view obi jogged guide's grip. Disco’s onus – to hogtie hypo petrol quiet. Those fed onion vouch uncial, occluded, so-so potty. Does pomp convex obvious Uzi rodeo? Radio hoops valve-mouths coin confided reason. Imbue readopted wipers with quiche bowel lotto. Florid zodiac vapors bomb moist neuron. Inertia whips noxious precept error overture for years. Oxcart lad oils Ivanovo’s sudsiest porpoise. Iberian dopey fifers roundly pillory dourer elk’s court. "Widow Bowie has chic opinions Nora,” heroine aikido heir vivifies.

These almost always seem to get my writing going again and provide some unusual, vivid imagery which often leads to ideas in other mediums. Sometimes I have so much fun with them that I forget the 'real work' entirely, which I suppose is counterproductive, but the benefits seem to outweigh the negatives over time. No, the earlier Fun with English posts were not done using this method.

My blog is an exercise in vanity? - Or - if an artist creates in the forest and no one appreciates it, is it really art?

2009-02-14T03:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'll admit it. I created this blog just because I wanted to comment on some other blog and thought, "Why not get a Blogger account and actually use it?" As (you) can tell, though except for the 2 of (you), I have no idea who (you) may be, I don't spend a lot of time on here. I would, gladly - if I thought anyone ever actually read it. I'm pretty sure that even the few Mind Blown and Dipisquat tallies are my own, and I don't care how pathetic any of this may be. I don't ever steal, except through osmosis, but I do recycle my own old shit on here, so if (you) like, hate, or at all connect with any of it, drop a brotha a comment and let me know how I'm doing. Yes this goes for the 2 of (you) as well. If I get any feedback, I'll make sure future posts are mostly new and hopefully inspired and certainly more frequent. Here's the hook (hopefully), a selection from my Paint image catalog. Not knowing my legal needs as far as protecting my work, I guess I'll just say here that this is a completely original work by me and I don't mind if you use it, as long as it's for good and/or you cut me in on the profits (monetary or other). That goes for everything that may follow. I'm not going to go so far as to say I won't keep posting without feedback, because it somehow seems a waste to me not to use this space for something as long as I'm going to keep commenting on others' blogs, but I may just use it for displaying my Paint-work and photography or whatever and change the name to "The (perhaps poorly) Visually Represented Ranter", or some such thing.

An extremely unabridged comment to Bethlehem Shoals, of Free Darko and other notable places

2009-01-27T05:32:00.000-08:00

Marlo had Bodie killed. You want a supposed NBA star and sometime FD fave to like the character who gives up on the game and dies for that? I know you weren't inviting further comment along these lines, but shouldn't Melo have said Michael, given how things ended, or is he too much of a veteran now to admire the new blood? You should be deeply concerned about the NBA future of anyone you assign star qualities to, that would say Bodie. I might expect Tracy McGrady to say Bodie. Shoals, I don't want you to take this as sniping, but if needing money is an issue, try to take it less seriously when some of the comments don't jibe with your thinking, such as the anti-Iverson sentiment on the last post's thread, or everything in general related to Bill Simmons, (I know you can't hate his podcast guests like Chuck Klosterman and J.A. Adande, or his sports-blogging pioneering spirit). These commenters are new fans who may now not buy the book if they haven't already, and may not recommend it to friends if they already have it. If you want the big time, and not just to write for your college buddies, you will certainly be faced with people who don't agree with you, but as long as they don't insult you outright (and you won't get very far being insulted by people who don't share your exact ideology), it probably behooves you, at this stage in the game, to suffer a few fools in the short term. If I sound like a whiny grandmother or the same fools of which I speak, I apologize, but I only say this because, though I feel like you've started a potentially great legacy of expanding the discussion on liberated fandom and all other principles you are passionate about, and simply writing well in general, that when you want to dismiss someone, your tone feeling like liberated fandom really means nihilistic facism is a huge letdown. Simmons loves/loved D'antoni and SSOL as much as you, but he expresses it differently than you, so you think he attacks it. (He'll just never root for it to beat his Celtics). Just because someone who may have loved Iverson at one time, but is sick of watching his anti-chemistry destroy or at least certainly not advance their team's fortunes deigns to post to that effect, should not inspire a "yawn" from you. J.R. Smith's development was set back years by Iverson's presence in Denver, to the point that he may never become the supernova it seemed he was destined to be, doesn't that bother you at least a bit? Try to read a little below your preferred vocabulary and you might find a way to connect to a Simmons-sized audience without having to ever dumb your writing down. Educate, don't alienate, my gramma might've told me, and I'll implore you to do the same. And again, I apologize, if you've experienced a personal tragedy, like Ben Wallace's brother passing before "The Brawl" that has been the secret catalyst for some of your recent crabbiness. See you at Powell's on 2/9, I'll be wearing one of two road jerseys: Sprewell of the Warriors (no choking reference intended) or Ceballos of the Suns (unscheduled vacation and rapid fade into obscurity references perhaps intended), so you can pick me out and inform security/run screaming/kick my ass/verbally dress me down/give me a healthy dose of man-love, whichever you feel is necessary.

A potentially offensive, out-of-date commentary on an alternative fuel source

2009-01-13T01:38:00.000-08:00

Hispanthanol benefits and questions

Editor’s Note: Commentary by Michael Spendsome, grotesque We’ll Gofarforabuck economist; reprinted from the March 2007 edition of Convections magazine.

Spendsome

National concern about energy costs; energy independence, immigration and the environment have combined into a seemingly perfect strange day for agricultural producers. That’s because one of the energy solutions being studied is the conversion of field hands—illegal immigrants especially—into a gasoline additive called hispanthanol.

“Immigrating” our fuel sounds like an easy answer to a complex problem, so let’s take a closer look at what it means for our nation and for our illegal agricultural workers.

The economics of supply and demand says that the more field workers that are diverted to other uses, the higher wages will rise, unless the illegal immigrant supply rises as fast or faster. Even with the relatively low level of hispanthanol production now underway, the markets saw wages increase to $3.95 a day in Mid March 2007, an increase of 74 percent from just a year ago.

That’s confuddling news for farmers and our agricultural customers. As the nation’s largest agricultural lender, we provide financial services to both producers and the many businesses that supply their needs. Low wages can mean increased profits, giving rural areas (and We’ll Gofarforabuck) an expected increase in wealth.

As we speak, there are 79 new hispanthanol plants under construction in the United States, most of them located in an illegal-labor crescent that starts in Kansas and continues through Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois and Indiana. The crescent—also home to some of the nation’s best air currents for wind-powered energy production—is our wastebasket of renewable humans.

Consider this: of 11.1 million field hands working in America in 2005, 8.2 million came from Mexico, Central, or South America; Iowa alone accounted for 2.2 million Hispanics.

The prospect of sustained higher wages has fueled another move toward complete inhumanity in already-greedy corporations. Wages already account for 6 percent of total spending by farm businesses. Since 2003, farm business net worth has decreased by an eyelid-drooping $576 as average annual wages have increased by $599.

This massive increase has deflated farmers and ranchers who own the land, but it also has them giving a shit whether the boom and bust of the 1980s might be returning. There are many differences in the current market relative to that insane period. However, any market that goes up so quickly certainly generates outsized opinions to manage.

Incredible; numbers! The challenge will be how we as a nation of mostly idiots balance this opportunity with some significant consequences of pursuing an aggressive hispanthanol policy of mass murder.

For instance, one body of an illegal immigrant yields about 2.8 gallons of hispanthanol, which means we need 15 bodies to replace a barrel of oil. Unfortunately, the U.S. uses 8.9 million barrels of gasoline a day. To replace a third of our gasoline would require euthanizing about 16.4 billion illegal immigrants. That would require the population of the earth to literally double and all be unsuspecting Mexicans, their individual average mass to triple, or the amount of extractable vital fluids to triple.

We should do that, the question is can we? Would we have to reduce population in another people to make room for Hispanics, or would we have to use acreage that’s now set aside for other uses, such as conservation? Would we have to use growth hormone and fertility drugs to boost production even more?

Another point: while field hands are different from the ones you eat with at your table, they’re used as cheap handlers of livestock, so increasing field-hand wages could put pressure on meat prices and other products in unexpected ways.

Because of its unethical properties, hispanthanol can’t be sent through the pipelines that we use today to transport oil and natural gas. Instead, it has to be shipped by truck, train or barge. That’s a more expensive transport method that could strain our already decaying & underwhelming transportation infrastructure.

There’s no question hispanthanol is part of our future. We as a nation need to decide how increasing hispanthanol production will affect public-policy issues.

More fun w/English - or - My lighthearted request for your money

2008-12-17T02:49:00.000-08:00

The milk has spoiled recently. What decent soul lets the milk spoil so soon? The assumed drinker of the milk must surely be responsible for its condition. Those who possess righteous conscience should hold the fate of fresher milks near to the hearth, as prophesied by the omniscient oracle of Oregon. But, why purchase stock in prophecies which merely pay dividends in calcium? The quoted quarterly returns of even Hell’s own fated fiscal fund may indeed prove preposterous, as putting faith in the devil’s prospectus shall lead only to demonic dividends. Instead, place all pinched pennies in my plastic pigs, whose flesh-and-blood counterparts have proven, time and again, their propensity for excessive increases. Six hundred and sixty-six new babes’ bottoms’ smoothness could barely equal the succor surrendered by such swine. I posit, then, positively, that pigs’ plusses might outpace pirate’s plunder, or the value of pilfered pearls from plenty a purloined purse. Such is the sweet nonsense I purvey; my intent though, is not to derive profit from dastardly deception - but instead, by entertaining eloquently, to evoke gestures of generosity from all gentlepersons in general!

Fun w/English

2008-12-15T04:10:00.001-08:00

Hang the Devil, all Gods on deck, man the stale chips and mind the butter! Beware the retriever who fetches another man’s duck! Fie, the spring goose which nips at the tattered robes of surly potluck princes! How the buffet bears the restless from regular restaurants’ pampered repose, their manically motivated mastication requiring near-thoughtless temerity in regard to the tenuous tensile limits of their tastefully tailored trousers! Previously spoon-fed vegetables are now ingesting intravenously, thanks to cantankerous caretakers who can hardly be bothered to appear assertive, wantonly neglecting their worrisome work, leaving the wretched retarded rotating on rotisseries to reduce reddish bedsores, rather than gently guide their helpless husks. Such somnolence shall soon see swift, serious sentencing, some speculate. “Oh, calamitous catastrophe!” claim the caretakers’ children, clearly not counting on the venomous feelings of the vegetables’ families. Vexing them more, victims’ mothers vouch vehemently that some caretaker’s children clearly need chaperones to visit, and charitably volunteer. How lovely, to juxtapose ironies existentially within the context of allegorical syntax tactics!

Rant of the infirm insomniac

2008-11-10T05:37:00.000-08:00

All dizzy and yet somehow compelled to keep going, damn it. My fingers keep typing while my wrists become numb from the poor, yet ergonomically unavoidable position they lie in. Is my vision blurred from ordinary insomniac fatigue or this illness which keeps holding on, this cold/sinus infection/whatever-comes-next progression from bad to worse to slightly better, yet without a sign so far of any possibility that I will recover completely in the near future. Head first feeling like a balloon full of jello, all swollen with pressure-pain, throat complaining like peanut butter stuck, then letting go all of a sudden, yet continuously. Brief mild fever, increased pressure from the jello refusing to conform to its mold. Even medicated, the only possible respite, sleep, made impossible until total fatigue renders it impossible to resist. Later, the fever broken, the pressure relieved, but only by the gelatin-sac having burst and filled every cavity of my head, neck, and respiratory system with its slime, some running out wherever possible, or forcefully, at times loudly, demanding its freedom through the first passage available. Throat now raw from the struggle, burning, it persistenly begs for menthol lozenges or whatever other saliva-inducing companion it can enlist in its aid. Pain subsiding brings the new sensation of the adaptive fluids thickening once more, this time forming a casing for my senses, removing them from their familiar place in the world, even my own voice now seeming distant and faint to me, impossible to perceive volume and often meaning, the only clear message the crackle of my ears, desperate to rid themselves of their discomfort. The green pudding that reveals itself to be the source of this current state assaults my various head-portals randomly and mercilessly. Who knows how long this infection will continue? It always feels like it could be an eternity. Common cold, my ass. Seems like a most uncommon, alien intrusion. I hate to think of what life must be like for someone to whom they truly are common.

The Beginning: Rant of the American Cubicled Wage Slave

2008-11-10T03:34:00.000-08:00

Morning, that beautiful time when soon-to-be-forgotten dreams melt into the cold, harsh reality of having to peel myself out of bed, hastily shovel a bowl of cereal down my throat, shit, then shower - scrubbing off those last remnants of the blissful memory of my inviting, cozy bed with my lovely lady still in the serene state that I have by then nearly completely lost touch with. Some times as I dress, I can barely glance her way, because it’s at this time in particular that I find myself wishing there really was some great evil being that I could bargain with for the simple opportunity to control all of my time as I see fit, get the hell out of the daily grind without the immediate financial repercussions. It’s certainly not a unique state of being, so for all in a similar predicament, I wish the same: to be able to actually pursue happiness, as guaranteed by our Great American Constitution. Not gambling with happiness, being forced to choose between excitement, comfort, and security, but to have all of my needs met. (Within reason, I don’t mean mansions and personal assistants) – And before the age of sixty-five, at that.

I know that unless I’m capable of connecting with a great many people over ideas such as these, the options may be limited for me, as they are for anyone who strains to find an avenue for their talents. Call me impatient, greedy, whatever…but I swear I’m not asking for a lot, just to be able to earn enough to have a comfy place to sleep, when and for how long I choose, without having to claw for scraps in a low economic cycle within an already deeply flawed capitalist system, and others having the power to take it all away from me because I don’t jump when they say. There may always be other jobs, but how many “jobs” allow you to come to work whenever your circadian rhythms prefer you to? Some may say, “If you’re not a morning person, work a later shift!” But as anyone who’s at least a bit in touch with their own endogenous needs should be aware, it’s not that simple - and rhythms aside, the things I truly love doing, those most worth scheduling my life around right now, take place in the early evening, and I wouldn’t give them up for just another job, or another shift. “Everyone has to make compromises!” those soul-dead critics may claim, but I can assure you, when I ask “WHY?!?” that it’s not the petulant whining of a child who doesn’t yet understand the ways of the world, but the informed inquisitiveness of an adult who never lost a child’s insatiable desire for deeper understanding & a better way to live.

As a child, with my basic needs thankfully met, when presented with inane people and situations, I could employ coping strategies such as pretending I was the emperor of an alien planet, a fantasy which many of my friends were more than happy to share in. By the age of 10 or eleven though, all of their spirits had been crushed to the point that they would rather ridicule those escapes that they too once took profound pleasure in. I believe this illustrates the sheer force of a society’s will to stamp out deep imaginative feelings, and those people, once indoctrinated, only increase their certainty over time that these fantasies are in fact insanity when maintained into adulthood.

So, take away my ability to have a meaningful fantasy life on the side, and you force me to make my reality something I can stomach, which isn’t a bad thing in itself. I must hope, though - that others still have the soul left; to want what I do, to be able to live by their deepest needs instead of those presented by others to control entire societies. Whether religion or celebrity worship, alcohol or wheat grass, these are truly only the opiates of the masses, none creating real satisfaction, except to the most ignorant or the absolute zealots.

How then do we, as a global society, decide and maintain that the deepest universal moral value is Live and Let Live; meaning that it is absolutely wrong to tell others how to be, that if the values you have been or are being taught instruct you to judge, hate, restrict, or seek to change others where change is based only on your ideas and not actual need. You have a responsibility to future generations to stop putting destructive, purely negative, or subversively controlling energy into the world. Please ask yourself how you want to judged; most who are capable of being honest with themselves will likely answer that they would rather not be - but if you must, to judge them on the merits of their conduct, and certainly not any natural factor, such as their height, weight, skin color, hair color, sexual preference, gender, family history, taste in food, or what time they’d choose to wake up each day if not for the rat race. It’s easy to judge when you feel superior, but none of us are.

Evening regularly brings these issues to light in my mind, and if you’ll pardon the far-too-obvious metaphor, it’s far-too-fucking bright to fall asleep on many nights. These ideas are too strong and constant to let go of, but I’m not sure I’m getting anywhere with them. Twenty-nine years hasn’t been enough to get much closer, yet knowing what the morning holds makes me desperate for solutions. I’m forever going to be seeking the answers, at least for myself, until I find them, or die.